Love, and everything in between.

When I was 18, I thought I knew what love was. I thought I had been in love once before. I thought I knew what it was all about. I thought that when another guy came along and I knew I loved him, I would feel the same as I had before. I didn't think that love was any where near what people sang about or wrote about. I sure as heck didn't think that there was ever an emotional "sweep me off my feet" moment. But then I met Ethan and I had a major "sweep me of my feet moment". Then it felt like in someways, my world had fallen apart and rebuilt itself right in front of me. Everything happened so fast, but for the first time in my life I felt like I had something solid. Somebody that I could always count on, and no matter where he was, I had a place to call home. I started to realize that I had never loved someone the way I was starting to love him. It was really scary at times because I had never learned to fully trust someone in that way. I was more scared then I wanted anyone to know, but I also knew that I couldn't let him go, so I fought for him, and I fought hard. 7 months after we met, I married him, and I will NEVER regret that decision. No matter how many people told us to give it up, or that it was too soon, that we weren't right for each other, we didn't give up. We knew (and still know) we have that kinda love that you would be a fool to give up. 

Even knowing all of that and thinking I knew what love was, in the past few months, I have learned a little more about it. I have had to watch Ethan go through airport security knowing that once he did, our lives were going to change.I have had to wait for days to get a 15 minute phone call from him, telling me he was okay and how his week was going. I have had to write him letters and wait for a response. When he left for basic training, I was a mess. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I may not have shown it outwardly, but I was. My whole life for the past year had been planned around him. Luckily, because of growing up the way I did, I was able to pick myself up and continue on with my life. I knew we wouldn't be separated long. For the most part, I was okay, but of course I had my random moments of break down. After 8 LONG weeks I was able to watch him graduate and spend some time with him. Then, I had to return home and he moved bases to go to technical school. The months leading up to now were the hardest. I was now allowed to talk to Ethan during non-duty hours, but I wasn't allowed to come live with him. Of course we have called each other, sent numerous texts, and we Skype often, but it just wasn't the same. I was able to go visit him for a weekend, but leaving was really hard. I wanted to just stay there. But, through all of this, I have learned that part of love that is unconditional. I learned that no matter how near or far away the person you love is, you have to continually support them and show them you care. No matter how angry or grumpy you or your spouse is, you have to be forgiving. I can see why the divorce rate is so high, but for me, I made that promise to love him and stick through things no matter what. That word, divorce, just isn't in the vocabulary of our marriage. No matter how hard things have been, or how much I have missed him, my love for him has grown. I never thought it could (I didn't think there was any room left), but somehow it did. We have our fair share of fights, and I am sure that we will have plenty more. We haven't even hit our one year yet. But when those fights happen, I know that we will be able to work them out.

Ethan amazes me everyday with his strength to move forward. He has a dream and he isn't going to stop until he gets there. Although that dream may have changed slightly when he married me, he is still working hard to achieve it. He is my best friend, my husband, and now a role model. The last couple days have really showed me what I signed on for when I married this wonderful man. Looking back now, I realize that I didn't fully understand what I was saying yes to when he asked me to marry him. I knew a lot, don't get me wrong, but as far as loving him goes, I had no idea. I am so glad Heavenly Father gave me a chance to come to this earth to live and to learn, to get my heart broken and put back together. I am so glad that he gave me the ability to love and be loved. I truly have a testimony that we were all put here on this earth to love ourselves and to learn to love one another. I know that he put us on this earth to learn and grow and make it back to him with a heart full of lessons learned and trials overcome. Although, this trial, of my husband being away isn't yet over, I know that I will learn more than I already have from all of this. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me unconditionally.  I am glad that Heavenly Father gave me a heart that is too big for my own good. I may not have always liked it, and it may have gotten broken countless times, but I know that I was given it for a reason. I may not know fully what that reason is yet, but I know that I am on the right path to finding it out. 

"Because love is the great commandment, it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our Church callings, and in our livelihood. Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk."

The Love of GodDieter F. Uchtdorf  (http://www.lds.org/family/love)

Becoming a cheesy Air Force wife!

I never in a million years thought I would become so cheesy! Here are a few things I have been up to!
I designed an bought a shirt for graduation.
I bought a banner for Ethan!
I've been counting down the days till I go to Texas.
I read cheesy poems.
I write him fun letters to encourage him.

He loves it! I couldn't be more proud of him. He makes me very happy. :)

An interesting month.

On February 26, 2013, Ethan left for Basic Training for the Air Force. 

It has been one of the best experiences we could have gone through together. Don't get me wrong, we have been through a lot, but this is most definitely different.

The night Ethan left I was a mess. I was trying to hold it together and trying not to be worried. Truth is, I was terrified. I knew everything would be okay in the end, but I was so scared and worried that Ethan would get too stressed. 

The first week came and went quicker than I would have ever imagined. He was able to call me that Friday and we talked for 15 min. It was the best phone conversation I have had. :D

He gave me his address told me he was doing good and asked how I was doing. I couldn't get one word out before I was crying! By the end of the conversation I was alright, I just missed him more than ever. 

A lot has happened since then, he is now about to start WOT4 (week of training 4). We are halfway done!!! He is an element leader for his FLT. He loves and hates his job all at the same time. He is in a FLT that is held to a higher standing because of what the guys are going into after basic. He also has some not so smart guys in the group. He has become really good friends with a few of the guys and they really help each other get through those rough days. 

I am so grateful that we can experience this! Change has never been easy for me, but this has taught me so much. I never wanted to believe the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder", but it is true. I love him more than I could ever imagine. When I think about what he is going through to better our lives and our future children's lives, it puts a big cheesy grin on my face. I love being able to play the part of the cheesy Air Force wife. Buying banners and shirts, having a count down till graduation, and bragging to the world how great my husband is. I honestly can't wait to show him how proud I am of him. 

I can't wait to look back on this time in our lives and see it for the blessing it is, and realize that this was a cake walk compared to what we are going to go through. I know life will never be easy. I am so grateful for that. It keeps us going and really appreciating the good moments we have. I want to look back on our lives and be proud of what we have accomplished. And this, everything we do and say in this moment, will mean so much to our children one day. I just hope they turn out as great as my husband did, because he really is wonderful. I wonder every day how I got so lucky.

The Top Ten Things I LOVE About My Wife :)

To my Wife:

I know that i'm probably gonna get smacked and tickled to death for doing this, but hey, its worth the small amount of pain and a ton of smiles ill get later. ;)
   Ok, so its been about 5 months since we got hitched and its been a roller coaster of a ride since.  I remember when we were first dating. Hehe, It seems like forever ago that we were "hanging out" on the swings talking and having fun. Then, a couple of days later our friendship just blossomed into a relationship that has grown with every laugh and frown, smack and tickle, kiss and smile. This girl that "found" me a year ago is still rocking my world, and I wana share why with the rest of the world. Love ya Hun ;)

#10- Her Penetrating Smiles
               It still amazes me today that I melt when she smiles even if its not at me. i like to do what ever i can to make her flash one of those famous smiles so that i feel like i'm on cloud nine. She has got one of the beautifulist smiles i have ever seen, its one of the things that caught my eye the first time we met. I know all is well if i can get her to smile for me.


#9- Her Wacky Sense of Adventure
               We go on tons of adventures, the one that I loved the most was the tortilla flat day. It was an amazing adventure, the sights, the sounds, the soaked butt, the taste of that burger at the end of the day!!! and the adventure of finding what I've always wanted. Sorry it took so long love. 

#8- Her Pet peeves and Fears
             Its really funny to be around her when one of her pet peeves or fears come around. She trys soooo hard not to squirm ,fix it ,or run and hide. In all actuality its really cute and adorable, i like to poke fun at her when it happens. 

#7- Her Love of Family And Friends
              Her past life hasn't been a cake walk, and those that know her personally know why. But, even through everything she still has this over whelming love for her family and friends. It inspires me.. nuff said..

#6-Her heart that is too big for this world
              If you have ever spent anytime with this one you'll find that she has the BIGGEST heart for everyone and everything. Its amazing sometimes at what she gets emotional at, and how she puts herself out there and gets smashed. But, after all of that she still gives pieces out but forgets to keep a piece for herself. ;) 

#5-Cuddles
             Do I really need to explain this one??? OK,  I can explain them in three words: HolY CrAp AmAzInG!!! good enough?? yeah I thought so :)

#4- Her Patience
              From the moment I met her this is one of the main features that hooked me like a fish. my mama always said "boy, you gotta find a girl that has amazing patience or shes gonna kill ya dead!" Well I'm sorry to say I've tested that through and through..I'm sorry for that love...and im not dead yet :) One of my downfall moments tested her patience last March-April, she reminds me of it always, and laughs at it. I broke up with her cuz there was a lot of crap I was dealing with at the time. After that we were still friends n all, she was soo caring and patient with me during the process of getting things right, and after I got them under control I realized what was missing...it was her...she also did a "little" prodding, but in the end we are still together. She is one of the most patient people I have ever met and I'm keeping her ;D

      It reminds me of our wedding song:

                                                        
                                                          "I Won't Give Up"

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No: I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

#3-Her fire, cuteness, and playfulness
              When ever I'm down, depressed, or just laying there she jumps me. She starts tickling me till I'm red and dying. Note, I was not ticklish when we met, she was but that switched quite quickly :( now I'm the one being jumped at random times of the day and night...I hate it???  ;)

#2-Her Forgiving Heart
               I do crap constantly to piss her off sadly enough ... most of the time I don't know that I'm doing it. She snaps( not yelling ever might I add..) on me, then says whatever, blows it off, I come in and try to beg like a dog for forgiveness  she takes a little time for herself ,and in time is smiling again. It boggles my mind at how Forgiving she is sometimes..yeah she gets me back for it sometimes but its not out of malice or anger..yeah I know that she hates what I have done to her, and she tells me what it is so I can fix it so it doesn't happen again later...but it does sometimes, and I wana jump off a cliff or hide under a rock for hurting her  when I realize what I did. But, in the end she still loves and cares about me...hehehe it makes me warm just typing this :) 

#1- Her love of Heavenly Father and Listening to the Promptings of the Spirit
               I met her as she was coming back into activity in the church, I am forever grateful for her listening to the Spirits promptings to turn back to the path..if she didn't I don't know what or where I'd be right now... She doesn't like Relief  society so much, but She loves her Heavenly Father sooo much...She is always trying to listen to the Spirit for direction and protection. I look up to her for that and many other things.

#0-Her Saying "Yes" and Making a Boy Really Happy For The REST of His Life
                Even to this day I still wonder if she was blind and deaf through the whole relationship part and the wedding part too..It just makes me wonder sometimes...she makes me a better person everyday, and she pushes me to do better always. She is my "Hunny Bunches" and I'm her "chubs".

I love you! and I cant wait to spend Eternity with you :D 
                                       LOVE,
                                                Your Husband and Best Friend.... Ethan ;)

For and About Single Moms.

Okay, first off this will be mostly about mothers who have their children out of wedlock.

Although I don't condone it, (I also don't believe abortion should be the option)  I believe that if a woman believes she is what is best for her baby, then she should be allowed to do so. 

It's hard to be a mom period. No one and I mean NO ONE is ready to be a mom, financially or emotionally. YES it is easier if the woman is married and has that help mate to support the mother when she is down. BUT I know plenty of single moms who are wonderful. 

HECK my own mother wasn't married to my father until I was 8 years old! 

Yeah she wasn't the best parent in the world and yes my father was around, but common, he wasn't really there. 

I'm not saying I have a bad dad either. We may have gone through some hard times with him but he is better now and he has changed. I love him. 

Anyway back to my mom, 

she didn't always have the answers to our questions. She couldn't magically heal our broken bones, our cuts and bruises, or our broken hearts.

She didn't always know the best way to discipline us, or how to fix our attitude problems.

But she did the best she could. 

She was there when we needed to talk. She was there trying to make us feel better when we were sick or hurt. 

I think she did a pretty fantastic job raising us.

 My siblings (myself included) may make some stupid mistakes sometimes, but we know right from wrong and we were raised with some awesome values that none of us will or can forget. 

I think that any mom, MARRIED or NOT, if they feel like they can teach their children to be genuinely good people, give them a good steady foundation to stand on when they are in time of trial and tribulation, they should be allowed to do so with out so much hate. 

Some of you may ask why this subject came up, well I have heard so many bad comments lately about it.

 I have several friends that are single moms. They are all good moms. 

Their kids have manners and are polite. They know that if an adult is talking to them, they listen. 

They know to wash their hands before dinner, sit up straight and say "please" and "thank you". They all may only be 3-5 but I have no doubt in my mind that those kids will continue growing up with good moral standards that they will be held to. 

But girls, if you don't think you can do this or are ready to be a parent, because being a mom is a big deal, don't get an abortion. It's just simply not the answer. Find a family that wants to adopt. There are plenty of happy couples out there who can't conceive and are just waiting to find someone to adopt from.  

Just remember being a mom is not all happy and fun all the time. Its taking care of a crying kid from the minute it comes out of you, all the way till,  always.

It's changing diapers, cleaning up vomit, giving them a bath.

It's being financially responsible for someone. Like buying diapers and formula (which isn't cheap) and making sure they have clothes that fit them and a roof over their head. It's hard. 

Just think really hard about your decision before you make it. Know what you are getting into before you get into it.

To those women/girls that want to raise their children, just remember it wont always be easy. There will be times where you wont know what to do, and you WILL need help. So make sure you have someone that is willing to help you out.
Teach your kids good manners. Teach them how to do hard things and that making a mistake is okay. Teach them to be the leaders we will need. Be proud of them. And just be there when they need you.
Hold them to high standards so that when they are older they will have the self worth it takes to make it far.
LOVE them with all of your heart and unconditionally.
Lastly, be a good example. Be who you want your child to be. They learn from you.

To everyone else! Be nice to one another. 

Stop hating on people just because they sin differently than you. 

If you want this world to be a better place, start with yourself. 

Trust me, its contagious. 

I pretend to know what I am doing when it comes to taking and editing pictures.

These first pictures are ones I took on our honeymoon. We were driving to St. George, Utah and the views were too pretty to pass up. 

 The next four were taken in St. George. It was so fun to visit cute little stores and Church History sites!

This was in Thomas Judd's Store Co. It was so cute in there and they have yummy soups!

 

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This is on the property of a Scout Master there in St. George. You can see it from the Jacob Hamblin Home and we were told that the Scout Master has his meetings in there sometimes! So cool!

This is was a HUGE tomato! I was so excited when I saw it, I have no clue why. But now it's a cool picture!

 These last pictures are from this past weekend. We went to a church formal and had so much fun! Then we walked around downtown Mesa and I took some fun pictures of Ethan!

Pictures.

Can I just say I am so thankful for the technology to take pictures?! I love looking back at old photos and remember those good times. 

I came to a realization today... How many people can say that when they look back on old photos that they are looking at pictures of a bad night? Maybe the night turned out bad or they bring back bad memories. BUT at that moment, that exact moment the picture was taken, you (or the people in it) were having fun and enjoying life. 

I just love that about pictures. They can help you remember moments in your life you would never want to forget. They can help you remember people you never want to let go of. They help you remember the good times, and sometimes they make you remember bad times as well. But either way they help you learn and grow. 

With all that said here are some of my favorite memories!

This is from my 4th year of girls camp. I love these girls so much! We may not talk much anymore but they are always in my thoughts and prayers.

 These are memories I made with friends in high school. Our memories still have never stopped being made.

This boy has been an amazing friend to me over the last few years. I am so proud of him and all he has accomplished and is still accomplishing.

Sometimes there are friends that come into your life that may never leave it. I hope that's how these friends feel

This girl will never leave my side. Even if physically she is not there. I know I can just pick up my phone and she'll be waiting on the other end.

Top: Beth and I. Christmas night 2011. One I will never forget.
Bottom: New Years Eve. That bonfire was so cool. I love these kids.

Long Boarding crew! Although.. I may never long board again, we had some great times.

Going to random dances with these guys has been pretty amazing this past year. I can't wait to have more awesome adventures!

 And last, but not least, the night I won Ethan's heart back. Yes, I said back. It's a long story that I am sure I will write all about one day. But as for right now I will tell you a little about that night. 

I MADE Ethan take me to this dance because he "forgot" about a date we had planned. I dressed up, did my hair and got my make-up done by a good friend. I knew he wouldn't be able to resist my good looks ;)

AND guess what?! He couldn't! He picked me up after work, we went to dinner (which I was NOT expecting), then moved on to the dance. Where we danced our little hearts away and I swept him off of his feet. That night when he dropped me off we talked for hours and he gave me a huge, long hug. I really wanted to look up and just kiss him, but I knew he wasn't ready for that yet. 

He later admitted that, I had won his heart back that night and the rest is history! I will never forget the fun we had!

There are so many pictures I could have posted because I have so many great memories with so many great people. But these are the few I have really been thinking about lately. I wouldn't trade anything for these memories. I will truly cherish them forever.